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My Girl (Revised)

My girl is feeling blue,
‘Cause she’s in the ICU,
I’ll buy her anything,
To keep her alive.

She has a broken jaw,
So we feed her though a straw,
I’ll buy her anything,
To keep her alive.

She has no arms or legs,
But she has four wooden pegs,
I’ll buy her anything,
To keep her alive.

She had a wedding band,
Now she has a gold bed pan,
I’ll buy her anything,
To keep her alive.

She used to have a ball,
Now she just stares at walls,
I’ll buy her anything,
To keep her alive.

She used to play some sports,
Now she’s on life support,
I’ll buy her anything,
To keep her alive.

One day the nurse walked in,
Then she gave me a grin,
But my girl was still alive,
I wish she would die.

I gave the nurse a hug,
Then I made her pull the plug,
And while I’m with the nurse,
My girl’s in a Hearse.

One day this guy came by,
He was from the F.B.I.
He said we left a trail,
He took us to jail.

We were under arrest,
So I had to confess,
I blamed it on the nurse,
‘Cause my life comes first.

He said, “No alibis!”
So I began to cry,
I got a big ole’ hug,
From a cellmate named Dug.
He’s just a big ole’ goon,
But he still likes to spoon,
He’ll buy me anything,
To make me his girl!

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